John Goll Counseling

A roller coaster ride is a fully absorbing experience! All our attention is focused on the precipitous drop ahead, the gathering speed, the sense of no control and not knowing what is coming next. That makes for a fun and exhilarating carnival ride, but it sure is a hard way to live in a relationship! The inevitable ups and downs of relationship roller coasters can be mild and predictable or they can be unforeseen, escalate quickly and feel uncontrollable or scary. Contrary

In Gone with the Wind, Rhett Butler makes this provocative statement to Scarlett as he scolds her about her need to grow up and pay attention to what a real relationship is about – like the one he wanted to have with her! And what a powerful statement it is! It seems to be a clear testimony to the power of kissing: the power to say so much and inspire such emotion in just moments with no words at all. Most anyone who has been even momentarily in love can testify to the expe

I was recently reminded of a line from a poem by Roy Croft that goes: “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” To me this says that although I am sufficient on my own, with my partner I am more – and we are more – than either of us would be otherwise. I can’t help but wonder how that is possible? It begs a basic question about human nature: Are we intended to be in connection or to be essentially independent? Some say that we are inten

Someone once called me a “relationship mechanic.” Actually, the metaphor works well to describe the work I do with couples. The parallels between what a mechanic does and what I do are surprising, as well as those between relationships and automobiles. Relationships often need a tune-up, repair or a major overhaul – just like a vehicle. Both can appear to be in good shape on the outside, but may actually not run very well. Or, they might look unsophisticated, even a bit ragge